IMPACT INK

Guest Column by Danny Tarkanian

2010-09-27T15:39:00.000-07:00

The following was written by Danny Tarkanian and published in the Las Vegas Review Journal on Sunday September 26, 2010. It is re-printed by permission of Danny Tarkanian.

NEVADA VIEWS: Getting Nevada running again

Tips for economic diversification

By DANNY TARKANIAN
SPECIAL TO THE REVIEW-JOURNAL

Nevada is suffering through the worst economic crisis in our state's history. Where our state leads the nation, we do so in unenviable categories: unemployment, foreclosures and bankruptcies. Our $6.5 billion state budget is projected to have a $3 billion deficit. Yes, you read that right -- Nevada can only fund a little over half of its current obligations.

To make matters worse, tax revenues continue to spiral downward with no end in sight.

At this most critical time in our state's history we need bold and innovative ideas and practical solutions. As a wise friend once told me, "Don't tell me the problems, tell me the solutions."

Although an increase in economic activity in the private sector will certainly help Nevada's economy, it alone is not the solution. Neither is raising taxes or cutting $3 billion in spending (though undoubtedly some unnecessary spending must be cut). Rather the solution is to implement practical ways to increase and diversify economic activity in our state, which will create more jobs and a larger tax base that with controlled spending will eliminate our deficit and help restore Nevada to solvency.

For far too long, our state has essentially relied upon two industries to carry the tax burden: gaming and mining (three if you include construction, which is contingent upon the success of gaming). This so-called "Great Recession" has taught us one thing; we can no longer rely upon these industries alone to shoulder Nevada's burdens -- we need to diversify our economy.

Nevada can immediately diversify its economy creating thousands of jobs and billions in additional tax revenue without costing the taxpayers one additional dollar or creating any more government agencies by utilizing two assets currently lying dormant in our state.

The first of these assets is Yucca Mountain.

The federal government has spent more than $10 billion on this massive project, and it's time that Nevadans realize some benefit from it. While its detractors boast of killing the project -- a position which might be politically popular -- it has eliminated thousands of jobs and billions of dollars in potential tax revenue.

It is my belief that the Yucca Mountain project should be revived and retooled to serve as a reprocessing facility for spent nuclear fuel -- a safe and commonplace practice in many countries around the world, like France, which derives some 75 percent or more of its power from nuclear sources. Doing so would create 7,000 jobs immediately, a $100 billion public works project for Nevada, billions of dollars annually in state revenue, and would inevitably generate an entire support economy.

In 1987 the federal government agreed to pay Nevada $250 million per year while construction took place and an additional $500 million per year once the spent fuel was transported to the site. These payments are to be funded by a fee imposed on consumers of nuclear generated electricity. This fee has raised more than $30 billion in the past 22 years. Considering the amount raised by this fee and the value of a dollar in 2010 compared to 1987, it is not unrealistic for Nevada to request its payment increased to $1 billion per year. Couple this with the amount of revenue generated from recycling and Nevada has a multibillion-dollar industry.

Furthermore, Nevada would be doing our country a service by recycling and thus eliminating 95 percent of the spent fuel currently dispersed haphazardly in 120 above-ground facilities in 39 different states with varying degrees of security -- a clear and present national security risk.

Opponents argue that it is dangerous to transport spent nuclear fuel to Nevada. They fail to disclose, however, that spent nuclear fuel has been quietly traveling our country's highways and railways for decades without incident. There has been a 100 percent success rate. Furthermore, they fail to disclose that spent nuclear fuel has traveled through Nevada on its way to New Mexico for years, without any benefit to Nevada and without the apparent safety concerns now cited as the basis for killing the project. While the fear mongering of Yucca Mountain continues, Nevadans are denied a safe and potentially transformative economic opportunity.

The second asset sitting dormant in Nevada is the thousands of acres of prime commercial land -- including hundreds of acres adjoining and adjacent to South Las Vegas Blvd. which is currently held by the federal BLM. This land is sitting vacant benefiting no one. The BLM has no business holding land whose only real use is commercial.

Nevada should demand that our land be transferred back to the state. With these resources available, Nevada could immediately compete for jobs by enticing businesses looking to relocate to a favorable business climate with long-term low-cost land leases unmatched by any other state. Each year numerous companies are leaving California and other high-taxed and regulated states for a more business friendly environment.

The competition between the states for these companies is fierce, more so in these tough economic times. Boeing recently relocated from Seattle to Georgia without even considering Nevada. During my Senate campaign, the CEO of a top company in California told me he was so upset at what was happening in California that he was going to take his 10,000 jobs to Texas. I asked him, why not Nevada? He told me Texas gave him a better offer.

We have one advantage over all other states -- prime commercial land sitting vacant benefiting no one. If we put this land to use, new businesses will move to Nevada, creating additional jobs and desperately needed tax revenue.

I know that in an election year it is difficult to discuss practical solutions to problems, and there will no doubt be criticism of these proposals and others like them. But Nevada's future and the welfare of its people depend upon common-sense solutions to our problems -- not politically-motivated rhetoric. In this year when so many people are re-engaging the political process to try to change the way our government works, there is no time like the present to begin a new chapter in Nevada's story.

Danny Tarkanian, a local attorney, writes from Las Vegas.

If You Can Tweet it in 3 Words, Don’t Use 4

2010-05-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

Social networking has euthanized the basic fundamentals of writing. On Twitter, for instance, a skeletal 140 allowed characters barely permits the stringing together of sentence fragments. The use of a full subject, conjunction, and predicate is truly a luxury with the countdown of remaining available characters ticking away in the corner of the white box. The dreaded negative number on this countdown alerts the loquacious tweeter that unless they find a way to downsize, their hundreds of followers will be left to wonder: “What IS Happening with Mary?” This is truly the heyday of the ampersand.

Strunk and White, the godfathers of grammatical elements and writing style for generations of wordsmiths, must be spinning in their graves as they contemplate this abbreviation and bastardization of the English language that is constantly occurring in the little white “what you are you thinking now?” status update windows on sites like Twitter, MySpace and Facebook.

Or are they?

I’ll admit that when I first plugged into these sites, much like Neo was plugged into the Matrix, I immediately started whining piously about their lack of literary integrity. But just like the majority of the pods powering the Matrix I found it easier to stay plugged in once I was curled up comfortably in the fetal position. Now, a few years and thousands of tweets later I’ve started to change my position on the subject of literary style in social networking. Before you start screaming oxymoron – or just moron – consider the writing fundamentals often present within the status updates of social networking.

Strunk and White offered the following suggestions for developing writing style. Since the English students of today likely wouldn’t know the names Strunk and White unless they were trending on twitter, here is a summary of those style fundamentals in relation to social networking.

1. Write in a way that comes naturally

Based on the fiery facebook status update and tweet fights that frequently break out, it seems authenticity rules and posers are quickly spotted and ignored.

2. Work from a suitable design

In the case of status updates, that design is simple – find a way to get to your point quickly or don’t bother making it at all.

3. Write with nouns and verbs

This is the essence of a good status update – Person X is watching politician Y tell lies and half-truths.

4. Do not overwrite

This is hardly possible on twitter and especially on facebook. After enough paragraph long, rambling status updates, friends start mysteriously disappearing. This is short attention span theater. This kind of puts War & Peace and The Fountainhead in perspective, doesn’t it? Remember when people still regularly read more than a few sentences without changing the channel in their brains?

5. Use orthodox spelling

Now there’s a fundamental that social networking fails miserably at simply because of a dramatic lack of space. Go on one of these sites for just a few minutes and you’ll find yourself instantly immersed in “u” vs. “you”.

6. Make sure the reader knows who is speaking.

Al Gore’s internet has done this effectively by auto-filling the user’s name into each and every status update. This of course, makes 99.9999% of every status update completely grammatically incorrect (Mary Smith Good night everybody!).

7. Avoid fancy words

This is a Strunk and White rule that most social networkers are in no danger at all of breaking.

8. Do not take shortcuts at the cost of clarity

What’re u tlking ‘bout @marysmith? Lmao

Of course the piece of writing advice from Strunk and White that may be social networking’s best defense in a literary court of law is this: “Omit needless words!”

You know you’re a Racist If…

2010-04-28T17:48:00.001-07:00

1. You disagree with and/or fail to adequately kiss the ass of any combination of the following: Barack Obama, Harry Reid, Keith Olbermann, Michael Moore, Joy Behar, Robert Gibbs or Janeane Garofalo.

2. You point out the racist remarks about Obama made by Harry Reid and Joe Biden.

3. You go to a tea party to protest big government and higher taxes. Yeah – obviously racial issues.

4. The media spins their giant “which group of Americans should we pick on & demonize this week” wheel and picks you.

5. You point out that the illegal immigration issue is actually about illegal immigration.

6. You piss off a liberal with logic and reason and this is their “what the media told me to call people who disagree with me” word of the day.

Notice the common denominator here? That’s right, crazy racist right wing extremists. Clearly there are many well thought out, proven, well researched reasons that we are all racist (because if one of a group is obviously the group is) and as a group, a national threat.

Question: Is there an anecdote for stupid pills?

Don’t Jump Yet

2010-04-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

“Once vigorous measures appear to be the only means left of bringing the Americans to a due submission to the mother country, the colonies will submit.”

-King George III

Worlds are colliding, past and present. If you believe everything you hear, America is at some sort of quantum junction involving the Civil War, Nazi Germany and, of course, the skirmish that started it all, the American Revolution.

That little skirmish involved two sides of people, one looking for a more limited government and some basic personal freedoms and the other thinking that such crazy ideas would surely pass. Well, the radical ideas and actions of the first group (which eventually led to leaving the country and starting a new one) turned out to be more than a passing fancy. A horse ride, bloody war, and a few carefully worded documents later, and America was officially on the map.

Now, it seems that the powers that be in this little dog and pony show, along with their followers, have changed their minds about the value of a limited government and personal freedom. But, just as was the case before with those wacky colonists, there remains a group of American Patriots who are not willing to let such novel principles die without a fight.

They call themselves the Tea Party Movement (“Taxed Enough Already” – you know King George III is rolling his eyes in the grave). As with any group of fired up folks, they are a diverse bunch. But it’s hard to question the values at their core – they’re mad as hell at the ever expanding, ever expensive government and they’re not going to take it anymore.

The other side, however, imitating the words and ideals of their fearless leader (the guy with the blank check in the White House), strangely, seems incensed at these core American values. From an outside point of view, those who are opposed to the Tea Party movement would seem in favor of… big, intrusive government? This is truly a bizarre statement to apply to American citizens of any political faction. But how else can the logic of opposing a group that is angered by the growing size of government be explained?

Said fearless leader and friends, presumably terrified at the thought of losing that blank check, have devised a genius strategy of silencing the new “colonists”: Convince those gullible enough, that those who doth protest the big government are… well… all kinds of bad words that I never thought I would hear a U.S. President or his people call their own citizens. Even the last guy went only as far as “you’re either with us or against us” but that message was more for the rest of the world than for the folks camped out at the end of his street calling for his resignation – and oftentimes much worse (but apparently it wasn’t a big deal if you wanted the last guy dead).

But the new guy… sigh… the new guy seems to be getting pretty desperate. My question for those who would believe such ridiculous logic, that those who disagree with you or your idols must be evil, awful human beings is this: If Obama told you to jump off a bridge, would you?

Lousy Lowden

2010-04-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

A letter to the editor from my husband about the U.S. Senate Race in Nevada:

"Sue Lowden is a lousy Republican candidate for Senate. In fact, she is a prime example of what is wrong with American politics. Over the years she has donated thousands of dollars to Democrat politicians, including Harry Reid. Her current television ad points out that she supported the troops in Vietnam. Well, Harry Reid, the politician she called a, "Reagan Democrat," repeatedly stabbed our current overseas troops in the back. I commend her for supporting our troops in Vietnam. However as a Veteran of the current war, I find that her support for Reid shows a distinct lack of judgment. My vote in the primary will be for Danny Tarkanian. "

-Mike Monpas

"There are no losers" - Are you Kidding Me?

2010-04-05T21:38:00.000-07:00

Immediately after the final buzzer of tonight’s NCAA championship game, I heard a CBS announcer coo: "There are no losers here, Butler did not lose." Could we please stop teaching our kids this? How is this helping them develop into accountable adults with even a moderate sense of the real world? You win some, you lose some. This is an important life lesson so let's stop with the "self esteem medals."

I speak from experience. In track competitions I mostly lost (big time). In flute auditions, I won more but had to lose some to get there. I like who I am today as a result. Hey kids - losing sucks, but it is real life and it makes winning all that sweeter and includes better life lessons along the way.

Butler lost the NCAA championship tonight. Well, actually they lost in every state except Nevada where they covered the spread.

Politics, on the other hand, seems to be an entirely different story and I’m sure kids everywhere are diligently taking note. When a supporter of one party – not even the candidate, staff, entourage, groupies or volunteers mind you – loses an election, especially a big one, their viewpoint is not “There are no losers here – my candidate did not lose.” You wanna know why? Because the other guy is in the White House. If you don’t believe me, ask the Gore supporters, Kerry supporters and most recently the McCain/Palin voters. There are no self-esteem points in politics. If your guy (or gal) doesn’t win, that means the other one did and suddenly your opinion is background noise in the ensuing victory celebration for the winner. And this is all the motivation you need, come hell or high water, to make sure that doesn’t happen again next time.

Ironically, the rules of sporting events are much clearer cut than those of politics. If you cross the finish line first or get more points first – you win. In politics, the points are representative and the finish line can be negotiable based on legal rulings. Imagine if every 3 point shot in basketball really represented 10 or 50 thousand additional points. No pressure on that player, right? That’s politics. The guy trying to decide between shooting and passing has to mentally take into account the opinions of an entire state full of constituents. What if my voters in East Pitchfork want me to pass the ball? What do I do? Ehhh- Buzzer – shot clock penalty Senator.

In politics, as blurred as the lines are in each shooting zone, there is a very clear definition of second place: The guy who didn’t get the job done this time but learned a valuable lesson – losing sucks, winning is better, and time to get to work.

So, when we teach kids that “there are no losers” – what motivation are we giving them to win?

A Letter to the Editor

2010-03-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Editor:

We have clearly come to a point in politics where the true motivations of elected representatives who constantly switch sides of the aisle and their votes faster than Keyes or Lieberman – simply cannot be trusted anymore. As much as the theory of being everything to everyone sounds appealing as a campaign strategy, once such an individual actually takes office, it quickly gets aggravating to the voters.

If we have no idea how our representatives are going to represent us on the issues from one day to the next, how can we trust them? Wouldn’t it be better to elect an individual who may say things that you occasionally disagree with, but sticks to their guns, takes risks, is consistent on the issues and doesn’t leave you wondering if they will change their mind yet again tomorrow?

In Nevada’s Republican primary race for United States Senator, it is becoming increasingly clear that Sue Lowden is the former and Danny Tarkanian is the latter. For example, Sue Lowden was one of Harry Reid’s earlier and by many accounts most passionate supporters, labeling Reid “independent like Nevada” (exactly what about Senator Reid’s records, words and actions is less than far left liberal, let alone independent?) and even as a “Reagan Blue Dog Democrat.” I’m sure President Reagan would be thrilled to be associated with one of the co-authors of socialized healthcare.

I find Tarkanian’s platform, on the other hand, extremely clear. From his purist stance on the second amendment and gun rights to his pro-life beliefs, unwavering belief in limited government and his vow to repeal this monster money drain that is healthcare “reform,” there is a clear common denominator of Tarkanian’s stand on the issues – conservative. Not liberal conservative, conservative liberal, independent conservative or any other watered down version of a Republican – conservative.

Conservatives who are looking to elect one of their own, a representative they can trust with values that they know and trust, really have only one choice in this race and that is Danny Tarkanian. After all, it doesn’t take much imagination to envision the biggest sticking point in a Reid/Lowden race – “If you are so against my policies and everything I stand for, why did you keep voting for me?”

Sincerely Yours,

Christine Whitmarsh

Sparks, NV

Advertorial Apprentice

2010-03-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

On last night’s Celebrity Apprentice, in an Olympian vs. Olympian project manager face-off, Donald Trump tasked his newest batch of celebs with creating an ‘Advertorial’ for a combo Norton/LifeLock security product challenge. The biggest challenge of the night turned out to be defining exactly what an advertorial is.

Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson focused heavily on the editorial piece of it, leading his team in the creation of a copy laden multi-page “newsletter” (as it was described later in the judging). Many of his teammates, including the constantly campaigning former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich and Bret “as a graphic designer (“Are you a graphic designer?” – Trump).. no, actually I’m not,” Michaels, disagreed with Johnson’s “War and Peace” length marketing piece.

At the other end of the conference table, Olympic swimming Summer Sanders helmed the women’s team and focused on the advertising aspect of an advertorial. The resulting piece featured a photo heavy, copy light, somewhat bizarre concept that had Sharon Osbourne in a Matrix style leather coat in front of potential identity theft victims of all ages, staring down the camera (the best she could in the midst of very un-Matrix like violent coughing fits).

So, that’s what it came down to – mostly words vs. mostly pictures. An advertorial, by definition is: “An advertisement promoting the interests or opinions of a corporate sponsor, often presented in such a way as to resemble an editorial.”

I have written a few newspaper advertorials and the biggest challenge I encountered was dealing with corporate sponsors with no writing or journalism background to speak of, whom, as funders of the advertorial, had “final cut.” And as much as they claimed to understand at the time of purchase that advertorials are supposed to resemble actual impartial journalism pieces as much as possible, when it came down to the final product, they basically demanded a glorious advertisement with all the bells and whistles of snazzy marketing copy that screamed advertisement, not journalism.

As for last night’s Apprentice task, I agreed with the client and judges. If you combined the best elements of both final products you might actually have ended up with a decent advertorial. But since that wasn’t possible, Sanders’ photo piece was definitely closer to the mark than Johnson’s thesis paper on the history of personal identity and finer points of internet security.

Which team's interpretation of an advertorial do YOU think was more accurate? Which was more effective?

The New Conservatives : Old Liberals?

2010-02-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

Rebellious anti-government gatherings (tea parties), young, charismatic radicals taking back Congress (Scott Brown (MA), Danny Tarkanian (NV) – hopefully), grass root campaigns and savvy internet movements spreading subversive ideas like Patriotism, preserving the constitution and limiting the size of federal government.

A few years ago such hippie crazy anti-government ideas would have been associated with liberals – not conservatives. “Are you kidding me?” – People would exclaim, throwing their mainstream media programmed heads back in laughter. Because everyone knows, of course, that Republicans are the Medicare generation of ladies in red who lunch. They are the stuffy Alex P. Keaton young Republicans with dollar signs in their eyes and polished loafers on their teenage feet. They are the Wall Street poisoned, corporate, middle-aged, white fat cats who see politics as simply a means to their financial ends.

If this is what Republicans are, then who in the heck are all these young, tweeting, tea party going, tech savvy voters from generations x, y, z and beyond, who are passionately spreading the word about what it is to be a patriot and the importance of preserving a closer version of America to what our founding fathers had in mind. Franklin, Jefferson, Adams and friends did, after all, spend many long days and nights in that often sweltering building in Philadelphia during the Constitutional Convention, trying to agree on what exactly America should be. I think we should at least try to salvage some of what they came up with.

No disrespect intended towards the ladies who lunch, Alex P. Keatons or “fat cats” but they don’t seem to be the ones leading the charge and acting all liberal-ly in their rebellion. This is a new class of conservatism, the class of 2012, and it’s just about time for the big graduation party.

Messy, Messy Ink

2010-01-31T17:40:00.000-08:00

My husband delivers ink to newspapers for a living. On particularly messy work days, his skin is so soaked with his work that I’m convinced the ink has become a permanent part of his melatonin.

The newspapers he delivers to are dealing with their own messiness of the financial kind. They are bleeding out the ink that my husband delivers as fast as he can pump it into the giant tanks that power their printing presses.

Blame the recession, blame the internet for replacing words on the printed page with pixels on the glowing screen, blame the politicizing of newspapers until they’re simply a transcript of the bipartisan bickering Washington… blame all of the above, none of the above or whatever your theory is that newspapers are a dying breed.

Whether it’s stained on skin or smearing someone on the page, ink is a messy business. Perhaps that’s why it is being downsized and replaced (like many other great things) and here is why I think this is happening: You can’t talk back to a newspaper.

For generations past, the newspaper was the thing that hit your door at dawn and you read with your morning coffee to find out what was happening in the world. If you had an opinion on it you would vent it to your family, friends or neighbors the next time you saw them. If you felt strongly enough you might write a letter to the editor which might be published the next week. But with the creation of email, cell phones, texting and now tweeting that is not good enough. Now, when people have something to say, they feel the whole world should hear about it – right now. Not five minutes from now and certainly not in an entire week! People are no longer content just to read the news – they want to be a part of it.

I suppose this is a good thing, that we are a society full of such passion and informed opinions. The problem is, of course, that the grey line between fact and opinion has become virtually undistinguishable in the technological tsunami of information. The media itself seems to have the same problem so why should the rest of us be any different?

In the meantime, there are still places in America where people look forward to the thunk of the rolled up newspaper as it hits their screen door at sunrise. Maybe they just want to read the news, make up their own minds about it, and they aren’t particularly interested in becoming a part of it. For those rebel souls, my husband often travels a thousand miles in a week, nights, days and weekends, backing his tanker truck into newspaper loading docks, switching on the pumps, and hoping that this particular paper hasn’t bled out yet.

Mona Lisa's Curves

2010-01-28T17:04:00.001-08:00

I've noticed how the women in timeless, classic paintings, specifically during the Renaissance, seem to share these common characteristics, through the eyes of their male creators:

They look well-fed, curvy, voluptuous, sexy, perfectly serene, confident, powerful, all knowing - goddesses of sort.

This of course was before constant warnings about type 2 diabetes, colon cancer, heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and other sort of "anti-voluptuous" buzz kills.

But it was the perfect serenity... this confidence... in their faces (unless there was a happy juice back then that I'm not taking into consideration)... therein lies the beauty & art.

I couldn't help but contrast those women to many women of today (self included) - striving to eliminate the curves, feeling unstable, hyperactive, twitchy in some cases, unsure of ourselves, fragile, vulnerable - mortal. I finally get it when, I mention losing weight, even just a few pounds, my husband gets upset and says - "Just don't lose your curves." In other words - don't lose yourself as a woman.

When men say they admire "confidence" in women, perhaps they really are looking for the Mona Lisa.

10 Words of Resolution for 2010

2009-12-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

As those prone to writing New Year’s resolutions put theirs to paper – whether in short form as below or descriptive essays of intentions for the New Year, I have chosen to summarize mine in one of God’s best inventions – WORDS!

In no particular order:

1. Surprises

2. Lucidity

3. Character

4. Strength

5. Learning

6. Honesty

7. Creativity

8. Fun

9. Health

10. Success

What are your words?

Contemporary Contradictions

2009-12-09T21:55:00.000-08:00

They’re talking about global warming while I’m freezing my butt off.

They’re telling us to spend our way out of a recession primarily caused by over spending.

They’re saying that if we believe in God we are mentally flawed.

They’re telling us that if we believe in America & its founding principles, we’re un-American.

They’re talking about covering even more people with Medicare when a minute ago they said Medicare is too expensive.

They wonder why America lags in math as our leaders spend far more than we will ever have to give them.

They wonder why America lags in English as our politicians teach us to listen in sound bites and the internet teaches us to communicate in abbreviated fragments.

They tell us to get educated and presumably think deeply as a result but when we do, they tell us to stop thinking and stop asking questions.

They make us wonder if all we truly do have to fear is fear itself.

Supernatural Solutions to Real World Problems

2009-11-03T22:12:00.001-08:00

I consider myself a pretty far cry from being an official, card carrying sci-fi “geek”, Trekkie or otherwise. Although I’m a pretty big Harry Potter fan so I just might be a closet pothead. Other than that, I would consider my sci-fi/fantasy affections fairly scattered. I do, however, know enough about enough show premises to present this – my guide to fixing real world problems with ideas from supernatural shows (in no particular order).

Afghanistan: Lots of tribal factions, Taliban making friends with anyone for the right price, foreign soldiers just kind of… there… why again? The solution? Let’s go ‘Harry Potter’ on their Afghani asses, sort everyone into houses (Griffindor, Ravenclaw and such) and turn the entire country into Hogwarts! Then Bin Laden would be Voldemort and everything already happening would make a lot more sense and at least better organized.

The rest of the entire Middle East: They never really all got along like B.F.F.’s Canada and U.S. But we like hanging out there for the oil and such, plus wouldn’t it be nice if all those countries were like mini-me’s of America? And then there’s the matter of – gee I hope they don’t blow us up. Seems like a ‘Charmed’ solution may be in order. First Piper freezes the entire region, then Paige & Leo orb all the bad guys (you know, the ones that make the good citizens look bad) to another planet. And just for good measure, plant some avatars all over the place to take out anyone who decides to cause trouble in utopia. That’s right – I just called the Middle East utopia.

Health Care: Getting it for free seems to be a greater personal priority for many people than actually caring for their health. How can we point out that there’s not enough free money in the world to care for our bad habits? I’ve never actually seen ‘Twilight’ or any of the other vampire movies/shows, but maybe we could replace modern medicine with vampires who could just suck the disease/illness right out of us. Much easier and cheaper than surgery with no co-pays or long wait times.

Illegal Immigration: Well, Pat Buchanan’s magical big wall didn’t happen. So how about setting up a ‘Star Trek’ beaming machine thingy (clearly not a Trekkie) on the entire span of the border so that every time someone runs over they end up “beamed” back home.

Climate Change: Yeah, it’s changing, but the debate is on about how fast and what exactly we should be looking forward to. This has ‘The Jetsons’ written all over it. That’s right – big raised pod homes over what is left of the flooded, toxic earth below.

Washington DC: Yes, our political system is a real world problem in itself. There’s a legitimate chance that our politicians are actually aliens so… we turn our entire political system into a giant, hilarious episode of ‘Third Rock from the Sun’ – all hilarity with only light-hearted plotlines that don’t really go anywhere and certainly don’t lead to yelling or drama.

War on Drugs: What we need is a healthy way to escape that doesn’t addict us to an Rx notepad of side effects (do all drugs lead to toilet related problems?) or endear us to dangerous international drug cartels who aren’t exactly card carrying members of their local chamber of commerce. Let’s find out what Mork from ‘Mork and Mindy’ was taking. Oh yeah, it was Robin Williams and it was cocaine. Bad idea.

Poverty/Unemployment: What we need is to magically print more money… oh wait, we’re already doing that without supernatural help.

So there you have it.

Oops! I almost forgot to mention that this isn't the most politically correct blog in the world. But you probably figured that out by "Afghani asses" right?

Imperfect

2009-09-23T20:57:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it seems like I am an imperfect person in a world where perfection is perennially pursued as the norm.

If perfection were the norm it would be called normalcy and there would be no perfection.

Nobody really knows who established these standards or if there even was such a person.

Yet people spend a lifetime beating themselves up and oftentimes even killing themselves in pursuit of this mirage.

For instance…

I don’t always keep a set sleep schedule and wake up with the sun, ready to begin a productive day as a productive, industrious member of society.

When I drink, it is not with a measuring cup and a CDC dosage chart, as if I am taking a chemistry final. Life is not an exercise in precision and to pretend it is makes me giggle inappropriately and out of turn.

I do not engage in appropriately moderate exercise for exactly 30 minutes every day, as is recommended. I do not live the life of a caged rat, available to be let out at exactly the same time every day on command.

I don’t plan my meals with a calculator, a pyramid and a sense of dietary superiority. In the battle of common sense versus regulated perfection, score one for common sense.

When the new awesome, can't-live-without-it gadget 4.743.81 is about to come out, I don't sleep in a tent outside the store because my life will be imperfect if I don't possess this piece of technology. That's ironic really - sleeping in a "back to basics" tent for a piece of technology.

I don’t have an orderly, comprehensive, and financially sound portfolio that will establish my personal lifelong security and therefore make me sleep better at night. I wonder how many of the people who have watched their carefully choreographed portfolios go up in flames in the last couple years, now need an Ambien prescription to sleep at night.

I talk fast, I listen faster (but people don’t care about that part – just about the talking fast part), sometimes I get so giddy and excited about a conversation that I talk over people, I have a crooked spine held together by metal screws, I am bow legged, I have long arms and legs, I have imperfect gums and I’m flat-chested. And that’s just the beginning of the list. And I love it all because it’s me!

If there’s something about me that personally irritates you or makes you feel threatened or brings out your own securities…. that’s your stuff, not mine.

Sometimes I’m happy, sometimes I’m angry, sometimes I’m exuberantly dorky, sometimes I’m sad, sometimes I’m worn out and sometimes I don’t feel like being the life of the party. But that doesn’t mean I need to pop a pill to eliminate the problem of being human with human emotions.

I refuse to agree exclusively with one religion, one political party or one school of thinking just because it’s easier to sort us all into mutually exclusive herds of thought. The more they try to simplify me, the more questions I ask and more contradictory thoughts I intentionally raise – just to be generally annoying to “them” – whoever “they” are.

I don’t routinely sit and stare into space, dutifully establishing goals, dreams, objectives and missions and then putting them on paper like a carrot in front of a donkey. When it occurs to me that I want something, I go and get it. No ideology, no self-help, no charts, grids, mantras, writing on mirrors, guru ramblings. It’s amazing how the world was established, buildings were built, inventions were invented, immigrants emigrated and formed countries and things got done before Tony Robbins told them they had to believe in themselves. Seems like they were too busy actually getting things done to talk about it all day.

People used to get by just fine without shooting radiation into every body part on a regular basis to make sure nothing is growing there that shouldn’t be. They didn’t inject diseases into their body in hopes of preventing variations of the same disease if it should happen to come along. They woke up every day, hoped to make it back to bed every night, did what needed to be done, and hoped for the best.

The world is turning. Time is ticking. The sun is rising and setting, the waves are crashing and the scenery is transforming – and beautifully. By time we all finally “get it right” in each of our own little snow globes – it may be too late to enjoy it. Let’s stop looking for a perfection that does not exist. Let’s embrace our imperfections and learn to laugh at ourselves, at the people chasing perfection who will never find it, and at the people telling us to chase it. Seriously – it’s a pretty funny concept if you think about it! Once you push all the manufactured crap out of the way, like windshield wipers pushing away sopping leaves, life can be pretty fun.

P.S. I tried to find an image of “perfect” on google images. But when I searched for “perfect” – there was no such image depicting it.

Unplugging from Cable News

2009-09-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

I feel slightly more sane since unplugging from the cable news recently. I'm sure someone will alert me if Armageddon grows near. I've realized that cable news is about 90% drama & theater and 10% actual useful info - and I'm being generous.

Without cable news... Imagine if we still watched a one hour consolidation of all the day's news over dinner every day on NBC, CBS, or ABC - the way it used to be. I think the conclusions we would come to as citizens, regarding the day's events would be dramatically different than they are now - even with the exact same actual events occurring.

The cable news networks - all of them, so let's not start some kind of "my cable network is better than yours" childish pissing war - have become kind of A Clockwork Orange. Drowning us in so much URGENCY! DRAMA! EMERGENCY! YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS OR YOU'LL SURELY DIE NOW! that it's a wonder we're not all duct taped in our houses like after 9/11. Not to mention the childish little junior high bickering between the individual cable news personalities (really - what does this have to do with actual news? - grow up boys). But we get sucked in because it's in the little glowing box with loud noises and pretty flashing graphics so it must be important. Right?

I've made the choice to unplug - for my sanity and for a clearer perspective on things. Unplugging isn't boycotting and I'm not trying to start some sort of zen social movement. Just thought I'd share. But please be sure and let me know if Armageddon is imminent so I can get my own roll of duct tape. Thanks.

If the Aliens Saw our Drugs

2009-09-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

I learned about a lot of different drugs as an RN. It apparently takes a lot to keep us fragile humans ticking along, healing and feeling better. I imagine that “if the aliens landed” (as goes the popular imaginary hypothetical) they could learn a lot about we earthlings just be reading a drug reference book.

They would find out that sometimes our bodies attack ourselves with infection. Most of the time our own blood protects and heals us, but sometimes we need forms of fungi and chemicals to attack the problem head on.

The aliens would learn how most of the time we can nourish ourselves without any problems, putting the food in and not hearing from it again until what’s leftover is ready to come out. But sometimes there are problems in the food tube – sometimes towards the top, often in the middle and frequently at the end of it. The drugs we take for tube problems get things unstuck and moving again and smooth over the problem areas along the way.

As the aliens flipped through the pages of our drug reference manuals, they would then happen upon the heart section. They would deduce that this heart thing must be delicate and extremely important based on all the things that might come to ail it. It can lose its rhythm, become clogged and hardened or sprout a leak. Although they wouldn’t find any indications of how it can also be filled with joy, euphoria and heartbreak. These kinds of things aren’t included in a drug book.

And then of course there are the sections that address other ways we can hurt, itch, bleed, ache and otherwise malfunction, and all the drugs that fix such things.

Finally, the aliens would come across the biggest and most thorough section of all in the drug book: the mind. The aliens might be taken aback by all the different things that can go wrong with our “big, big brains” (as Kurt Vonnegut would say). It is the epicenter of everything. It is soft, mushy, tangled, electric, and warm and it never sleeps. It makes us breathe, keeps our heart beating, and keeps us moving. It collects knowledge, gives us direction, makes us wonder if we know where we’re headed and generates more questions than answers. While reading the mental drugs section, the aliens would find a paradox. The drugs are seemingly meant to repair all our confusions and mental misfires. Yet for the majority of them the action is listed as “unknown” and “probably…” does this or that. They might wonder if even we know what we’re drugging our brains for.

What would the aliens learn overall from reading our drug manuals? They would see that we are fragile, but self-repairing for the most part. They would learn that the main purpose of the drugs is to ease the aches and pains of being human and help us find our way when life nudges us off course. Most of all, I think they would say to one another: “Well no wonder they can’t come to an agreement about us with all the drugs they’re taking!

What They Imagined They Knew

2009-08-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

Did it take an overactive imagination, a little common sense foresight or both to see how the world would progress?

It seems Rand was Right when she predicted an arrogant, mighty capitalist empire which would turn toward punishing those who created it for their accomplishments.

Orwell may have had a point when he spotted Big Brother on the wall, watching our every move and helping us distinguish right from wrong and informed from ignorant.

Vonnegut’s Galapagos pointed out that just because people, with our big big brains, change our opinions about the value of the paper money it doesn’t mean the world we live in is any less resourceful and survivable. In his 2BR02B, Vonnegut crafted a world where if you wanted to bring a life in, you had to find one who wanted to leave, to control the world population. The story ended with the end of the leader whose job it was to enforce this government ordered euthanasia. I could go on about Vonnegut’s other prophetic tales but you’ll just have to read them for yourself and come to your own conclusions.

In the Grapes of Wrath, Steinbeck pointed out that Stalin and Marx on one side and Paine and Jefferson on the other were results, not creations. Current events make me wonder what we have created, what it will leave us with, and if we’ll ever learn our lesson about the perceived beauty of instant gratification.

What other lessons have we learned from wordsmiths of the past? And what have we really learned from them?

Metaphor In Chief

2009-08-05T11:40:00.000-07:00

If a lie becomes so overwhelmingly obvious to such a large number of people that the reality of it all is surreal, shouldn’t the lie and all its associated illusions, simply cease to exist?

This was my hyperaware reality of America – somewhere between the promise of change and the sobering understanding of what that change really entails. The vehicle for that change was little more than a metaphor with the ability to read the words that people want to hear at the moment they want to hear them. This metaphor was manufactured by the grievances, distresses, ideology and conflicting desires of a people who cannot distinguish between what is real and what has been manufactured to appease them. The metaphor they elected promised to end a war on an emotion but instead waged war on the foundation of his alleged country.

The conflicted people, desperate for an end to what they were told were the worst of times, checked the box they were told would lead to the best of times. Once elected, the metaphor for all the things they thought they wanted used the power they bestowed upon him to lead them into the worst of times. But even as he spent their money, vaporized their jobs and earnings and escalated the war on an emotion, the people remained silent. Nobody had yet told them that this metaphor had changed from the solution to all their problems into the cause of a whole set of new ones.

As the metaphor continued to spend their money and doom their future, what would happen next seemed inevitable, but only to those who were paying attention. These were the people who had been paying attention all along. They were not waiting for cues about what to think and regarding the appropriate level of optimism they should feel about their lives. They saw what was happening from the beginning and were astounded and lonely in this realization.

And then, suddenly, at a random point in the middle of the storm, all the people, even the ones paying attention, were informed that the storm was over and that they should leave their shelters and celebrate the end of the storm. So everyone, including the ones paying attention, ventured outside of the shelters into the street. First out came the ones who still believed in the promises originally recited by the metaphor, as he stood facing his word monitors with what he thought was an appropriate facial expression. They were the ones who whooped in delight, dancing and celebrating in the stormy streets because they were told that the storm was over. They continued to celebrate, even as many of them were struck down by lightning and drowned in the rising rain waters. The storm was over because the people who convinced them to trust the metaphor had also convinced them to believe that they were celebrating in sunlight.

Next out of the shelter, came the people who had been paying attention all along. They gazed in amazement at the celebration while shielding themselves from the gale force storm winds, dodging lightning and trying not to drown in the rain waters. They began to wonder, at that point, who the crazy ones really were.

Last out of the storm shelter, were the orchestrators of the whole confusing mess. It’s not that all of the national destruction they had caused and havoc they’d reeked was on purpose. It was like an overly ambitious but not exactly trustworthy teenage chemistry student who breaks into a lab after hours and starts mixing chemicals together in hopes of coming up with something that makes great noises, looks impressive and gives him some notoriety. His intentions aren’t that good, but aren’t that bad either. He is misguided by arrogance combined with ignorance and roaring ambition in need of an outlet. It is only as the arrogant little shit is standing there in the midst of the toxic, smoking wreckage that he gets an inkling that maybe his chemistry experiment wasn’t a good idea after all.

My Health Care Reform Manifesto

2009-07-28T14:47:00.001-07:00

1. The health care reform we need is a model that will reward people for taking accountability for their health and wellness (while of course allowing for genetic inevitability, trauma, etc.) rather than blindly doling out free care in a way that rewards personal irresponsibility and greed and takes away the freedom and financial stability of America in the process. That is not "health" nor is it "care."

2. What Obama and Congress have packaged as “humanitarian” really is, if you read the bill line by line, nothing but an Orwellian nightmare that would strip ALL Americans (those who support the bill as well) of our personal freedom, financial security and future. Every American MUST read this bill!

3. Why on earth would America follow the failed lead of countries who have already implemented socialized health care? Do the research – in those countries, cancer rates have skyrocketed because citizens do not have access to the wellness checkups and preventative care needed to make an early diagnosis and stop the cancer in its path. Socialized medicine has also resulted in HIGHER health care costs (passed along to the well intentioned citizens). Hmmm… higher health costs with higher mortality and higher rates of preventable illnesses. Sign me up!

4. For the reasons above, and especially clauses like the following that are included in Obama’s health care bill, I am convinced that this “health care reform” is simply an aggressively and manipulatively packaged form of government control that we the people must prevent from coming to fruition.

Contact your representatives: http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/

READ the bill: http://rightsoup.com/twittering-obamacare-horrors-in-the-bill/

What the Words Mean

2009-07-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

There is by definition a mixed bag of slogans and sayings featured in my Zazzle store. The words are pretty self-explanatory, but I still thought you may be interested in a brief explanation of where I’m coming from when I use the words that I do. Welcome to the crazy mind of Christine, Ink.

Want to see what the heck I’m babbling about?
Visit and bookmark:
http://www.zazzle.com/christine_ink

Rand Was Right
A capitalist super power nation that gets so lost in its own manufactured tidal wave of arrogance that it fails to realize how it’s turning its greatest historical virtues into a national death sentence. Sound familiar?

Capitalism was Nice
This is part tongue in cheek and part prophetic warning. I realize that we much closer to the capitalism end of the scale than the socialized end. But if we don’t remain vigilant, we could float to the left faster and more invisibly than anyone would ever predict. As Americans we need to ask ourselves what we want from our country – and agree on it. You can’t have it both ways.

A.D.D. - Imagination Should Never Be Medicated
Believe me, I’ve heard it from the Ritalin lovers on this issue (as if I’m trying to take away their precious pills). My opinion remains – whether you believe that A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. is real or not, wouldn’t you agree that kids are being vastly overmedicated for it? When is it being medicated to “restore focus” and when is it drugging the imagination and creativity out of a kid’s brain? Where would we be as a society without imagination?

Café Oppressed
In honor of Café Press’s very “Rand like” new marketplace policy that sets the same commission for all the shopkeeper stores, without letting the actual retailers (shopkeepers) have any say in setting their prices. Redistribution?

I’m All In
The broken dollar bill is meant to be at the heart of this message. Get it?

Teleprompter for President
Came up with this for a giggle, but that was before Obama’s teleprompter recently took a suicidal dive during a briefing!

So I use Big Words Sue Me
Do you get teased by your friends simply for your grasp of and passion for the English language and your layered way of communicating your thoughts?

Sox Fans Have the Last Word
We can’t control how well our beloved Red Sox players are playing the game and how frequently they beat the evil empire Yanks; but we can certainly control our big mouths. We just choose not to.

WORDS: Why Our Reality Demands Storytelling
Words – gotta love ‘em!

Visit and bookmark:
http://www.zazzle.com/christine_ink

How Writing is like Baseball: In Honor of Tonight’s All Star Game

2009-07-14T19:10:00.001-07:00

1. Sometimes you spend more time on the bench than in the game. Some use the time to stare blankly into space and others use it to mentally sharpen their craft.

2. Clients are like umpires – sometimes they think your stuff is good, sometimes not good and sometimes you disagree with them on the call.

3. Baseball players chew tobacco, writers chew gum and sometimes their fingernails. Not exactly alike and writers usually spit less, but the anxious intensity is definitely present in both.

4. A homerun is a homerun in baseball and writing. It feels great even though writers don’t get the cheering crowds, but soon after you’re back in the dugout preparing for the next at bat.

5. Baseball players get pulled butt muscles for entirely different reasons than writers do.

6. Attention to detail is very important. In writing, it means crossing t’s and dotting i’s. In baseball it means touching each bag, interpreting hand signals correctly and keeping track of pitch counts so you don’t accidentally toss a fly ball into the crowd with only two outs.

7. Outsourcing in baseball means importing Japanese pitchers and Dominican sluggers. Outsourcing in writing means sending money to a faceless email address overseas to save some money (groan).

8. Throwing things around the dugout after you strike out is rarely productive but it still feels good sometimes.

9. With a little talent, luck, passion, and inspiration, if you persevere with batting practice, field enough balls and run the bases enough; you just might have a shot at a decent career.

10. Being on the DL for a baseball player usually involves a strained groin muscle. For a writer, it means a nasty hangover.

SOLD - To the Lowest Bidder?

2009-05-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

The advent of creative bidding websites such as Elance and Guru among many others is a double edged sword. On one side, the sites provide worldwide exposure for creative professionals and subsequently more job opportunities. On the other side, the “bidding” aspect of the sites allows “professionals” of questionable background and expertise to, quite frankly, bid so low that real professionals who are charging market rates, have no chance at “winning.”

These sites are not the only forums where creative professionals are essentially told that doing their work for significantly less money should be considered a gift, especially in a struggling economy. There are also some individuals and companies (although what kind of company would do this I can’t imagine) who have the audacity to ask writers and other creative professionals to work for “free”, for “exposure”, implying through clever job ad wording that if we do the work for free this one time it could lead to money in the future.

When did it become acceptable to treat creative professionals, writers, graphic designers, website designers and others, as if we’re all starving, desperate and new to our industry? I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful, loyal base of clients who seem to respect free market capitalism and (within reason and sometimes with friendly entrepreneurial negotiation) respect the rates I set for my business. However I realize that many freelance writers, some with many more years of experience in the industry than I have, rely on bidding websites and writing job boards to make a living.

I would never drive my car after a mechanic worked on it for free “to get exposure” for his work, and I certainly wouldn’t allow a surgeon to operate on me for free to “build his resume”. And yes, I know there are people who will scream at me that we can’t compare these careers.

Would you trust a service vendor who didn’t charge you? What is their work worth and how much would you trust it? I read a post on a writing message board once that made a good point: If a non-paying client wants to pay my rent and utility bills, fine. Other than that – we are professionals and deserve to be treated as such.

The only way we, as writers, can create and maintain a reputation as valuable service vendors, no different than any other providers of services to the public, is by standing up for it. What would happen if you found out that paying your mechanic or your doctor, was optional? How would that affect your opinion of their true value?

Ink Tip: Avoid too much Techno-Speak

2009-04-28T22:42:00.000-07:00

When it comes to using too much techno-speak, hi-tech companies are of course most likely to disconnect from their readers. Even if you are sending the piece to an audience virtually identical to your company, never assume that these people will appreciate being bombarded with technical information and industry language. The objective of a written communication is to convey information as quickly, clearly and succinctly as possible. A legendary writing expert once said, “If you can say it in 3 words, don’t use 4.” Hi-tech companies, or companies with fairly complicated products and services, sometimes feel as if they need to over-explain every last detail in every writing piece. The purpose is to give the reader a few key, well-written pieces of information (ideally three maximum) that will spark their interest enough to contact you for the rest.

Cafe Press Shopkeepers Unite

2009-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

See that “Word Shoppe” banner to the left? If you also follow me on facebook and twitter you’ve probably seen my www.onecitizenswords.com references to afore mentioned store. The Word Shoppe is my Café Press store, where I design and sell my unique, word-related wares. I decided to do business with Café Press.com several years ago based on their reputation of honoring creativity and innovation in entrepreneurs (“shopkeepers”) while giving them the power to design their own shops and set their own prices for items sold.

Well, the times they are a changing and apparently the concepts of corporate greed set paradoxically against equal distribution of wealth for all, have taken hold of our friends at Café Press in northern California. Earlier today, the folks at CP announced to their 6 million plus shopkeepers that, starting June 1st, marketplace commissions would be set at 10% - across the board, regardless of individual shop markups. For example… a t shirt that was formerly $16 base which the shopkeeper marked up to $20 will soon net that shopkeeper only $1.60 vs. $4.00. Keep in mind that it is CP who has always set the base prices, negotiating with vendors and such – thus the previous leeway in markups. Their reasoning? Apparently customers got too “confused” by varied pricing on the same items. I loved the blog comment on what is now a VERY active café press community forum page, saying, “Yes... I agree... each time I go to Amazon I get really confused. They want $12.99 for one book... while another book might be $4.99. The other day I saw a 50" HD TV for $999.00... and today I saw a 50" HD TV for $1,299.00. I was really confused.” Well said FRedStates.com! Yes Café Press, free market capitalism can be quite confusing can’t it?

The other new policy change is in regards to search engine prioritization. CP will apparently be “prioritizing” the unique, innovative designs over ones that don’t meet that extremely subjective sounding description. For me, the wordsmith with limited graphic design capabilities, it sounds like “pretty pictures pop up first, sorry word-based designs.”

Another savvy shopkeeper theorized that this may be CP’s not so clever nor subtle method of handling shopkeeper saturation in the marketplace. Here was my response:

“Interesting points. The idea of creative, entrepreneurial people considered marketplace annoyances is definitely of concern to me. These are the people that drive the marketplace by promoting original ideas versus mass produced rewrites. I can only hope that there are still companies out there like the old Cafe Press, before they changed their identity and apparently their overall intention to give creative people a way to be heard. Creativity, free speech, and innovation cannot be allowed to die.”

Imagine if you have a store in a mall with two doors into your store... one from the mall and a private one for the store that only your customers know about. The stuff in your store costs one price for people that come in the private door and a different price for the people coming in from the mall - set by the mall owners. Same store, different prices. And then the mall claims that they are "not affecting" your store's bottom line. Sure.

As I write this, the 6 million plus CP shopkeepers are mobilizing on the very CP community chat forums used to announce the policy changes, and in addition on facebook, yahoo and other blogs and boards on the web. We are alerting the national media and producing our own “counter” press releases because, quite simply, we outnumber them. As Glenn Beck would say (sorry to the anti-Beck shopkeepers) – We Surround Them. If you are reading this and are screaming “greed… socialism (10% for all despite ability)… injustice…” the best I can tell you is to send an email to the national media and/or find one of our many café press shopkeepers forums on the web (I’ve posted some below) and let your voice be heard. And to my fellow shopkeepers… thank you for listening, thank you for creating and thank you for speaking up and letting Café Press know that when you bite the hand that feeds you – sometimes that hand bites back.

Facebook Group "CAFEPRESS SHOPKEEPER'S UNITED ~ 2009"

See my "Cafe Oppressed" gallery at Zazzle

Ink Tip: Marketing is the Objective

2009-04-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

Most companies consider things like brochures, press releases, website copy, sales letters and the mountain of other paperwork, “marketing materials”, not “written materials.” To clarify, “marketing” is the objective of the piece – not the nature of the piece.

The field of writing and language is simultaneously independent of and the foundation of all other areas of business. Without a solid understanding of the basic principles of writing and language, it’s awfully hard to get your message across to your target audience. When you disconnect the writing from the written materials, you are disconnecting from the reader.

Once companies understand that all of their marketing, publicity, sales and all other communications materials are composed of words they are likely to rethink who should be tasked with creating them. This doesn’t necessarily mean that all companies should be hiring professional writers. It just means that the individuals whose job it is to communicate on behalf of a company need to understand that the craft of writing and power of words is at the core of every single communication customers receive.

Socialism... Idiocra-cized

2009-02-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

“Democracy and socialism have nothing in common but one word, equality. But notice the difference: while democracy seeks equality in liberty, socialism seeks equality in restraint and servitude.”

-Alexis de Tocqueville

The most heated American political arguments sometimes fall off the tracks early in the public debate – and nobody notices. For instance, within all the heated passion and anger of the “pro-life vs. pro-choice” debate, it’s astounding to me that nobody has realized that these are not antonyms. The opposite of pro-life is anti-life, not pro-choice and the opposite of pro-choice is anti-choice, not pro-life. These are not phrases that cancel one another out. It seems that the media and perhaps the government have really suckered us into a battle based on fake pretenses.

The latest demonstration of a semantic magic show by the media started towards the end of the presidential campaign and just like the abortion smokescreen was quickly stripped of its complex societal, historical, cultural, economic and political layers. After all, anything deeper than a clever 20 second marketing bite doesn’t play well to the electorate (ask Ron Paul). Unfortunately most of the voting public seemed desperate to make the fastest decision possible with the least amount of time spent thinking about it. That’s how the introduction of the complex concept of socialism was effectively Idiocra-cized (my own made up word based on the film) to the following stream of consciousness: The big bad Republicans are calling Obama a socialist but we really like Obama (the leader is good, the leader is wise, all hail the leader) so that must mean socialism is good so the question at hand is – do you like socialism?

Okay, so here’s where that whole “thought process” fell off the Taggart Transcontinental railroad tracks. First, I am not in a position to determine whether Obama is a socialist. Although I will say that he has managed to spend more in less than a month than Bush did in 8 years and through two wars. Seriously, the monopoly money printing press is working overtime to keep up with both of these guys.

Second, comes the issue of socialism itself. The happy, sunshine, politically correct, campaign speech friendly implications of socialism include the government “helping” us, kind of like good Samaritans assisting a little old lady across the street. It’s about redistributing the wealth to those who need it because we’re all in it together so why should one man be more successful than the other, right? Please refer to my quote at the top of the blog for some hints on the difference between “politically fabricated socialism” and the real thing. Don’t let them fool you America, socialism is not the utopia of happy equality, generosity and humanity that they’re trying to sell you. When the government essentially owns the people, utopia is not the word that comes to mind. If you don’t believe me, ask some of the banks who received bailouts they didn’t want and are now being reprimanded for having the same kinds of company retreats companies around the world have all the time (I’m referring to the financially sound banks who didn’t want or ask for a bailout). The message from the government? We own you now – you answer to us. That’s socialism.

I’m sorry to disappoint you but that is as far as I’ll take the argument of whether socialism is good or bad because that is not the question at hand. That is the question that the media and politicians are desperately trying to get us to debate amongst ourselves, but in my opinion it’s a completely fabricated issue. America is not designed to be socialist. It was created to be a capitalist democracy, and as much as we tug and yank at the Constitution and try to stretch it like those “skinny jeans” from college that you will NEVER squeeze into again – our country simply isn’t designed to stray too far from our roots. There are some ways, of course, to accomplish radical change but I’ll leave the subject of revolution for your own personal discussions.

So here is my extremely Idiocra-cized thought about those who want America to be socialist: “This is a simple problem of geography and not at all an attack on your personal beliefs. You have your beliefs, I have mine and that is truly liberty. There are many socialist destinations around the world that may better meet your needs and financial objectives at this time. Perhaps we could offer you some travel brochures? America is perhaps not the best match for you at this time.”

Hitting the Target

2009-02-17T11:16:00.001-08:00

A few months ago, I went shooting for the first time in my life at a target range. Much to my boyfriend Mike’s (former marine expert marksman instructor) dismay, I spent most of our first time out completely missing the target. Being a type A perfectionist, this was completely frustrating. I have a somewhat obsessive need to be perfect at new skills. Mike was an excellent and (mostly) patient instructor, teaching me all the proper techniques, but to no avail. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong so therefore I couldn’t fix it. If I’m doing something wrong I want – no I NEED – to know the fix. It’s this whole “let’s handle the problem” thing that has driven me since childhood.

At one point during the “intermissions” (when you go out and service your targets) a man whose target was down range from ours came over holding his target up and grinning.

“I’m thinking that these are your bullet holes,” he said, pointing to my little 22 caliber holes next to his much larger caliber ones.

You’d think this would have been embarrassing, but I was absolutely jubilant. I was shooting high! Before this, I was thinking that my bullets were disappearing into some kind of invisible time warp or black hole. Where the heck were they going? Now, thanks to this very amused and helpful stranger, I knew where the bullets were going and what I needed to do to hit the target. I won’t go into all the details of sight picture, sight alignment and such, but Mike and I finally had the info we needed to get me back on target again. He even drew a nice little picture of what I was doing wrong that helped immensely. Ever since then, I’ve been hitting the target, and occasionally the bullseye (hooray!).

Now if only my career as a writer were as clear cut. When you do something creative for a living, finding the target isn’t as easy. The work you do is subjective and abstract and therefore so is the feedback, often in automated feedback form. The chances are slim that a solution to a creative problem will be as simple as a kindly amused stranger telling me that I’m aiming too high.

As an artist, how do you know if you’re hitting the target? The worst books in the world can get rave reviews and the best can go largely unnoticed under the radar for years (“Catch-22” comes to mind). The worst movies can rule the box office and the best end up direct to DVD in very few living rooms. Nobody gave a damn about guys like Mozart or Van Gogh until they were long gone. Art is the opposite of shooting.

Ironically, it’s as an artist that I most enjoy the shooting range. I enjoy the objectivity of the skill – you either hit or miss and have the hole in the target to prove it. Ironically, the objective skill of shooting has given me a new found confidence in my abilities as an artist. I’m more confident about completing projects and being sure that I’ve done my best work and in general. In other words, I think I’ve figured out how to hit the target. I know that I won’t hit the bulls eye every time, but if I keep practicing I just might have a shot at it.

What is the value of creativity in a failing economy?

2008-09-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

With each drunken daily dive of the stock market, arguments that the economy remains strong beneath it all grow ominously silent. Even the most resolutely optimistic economic experts are now sitting in an overwhelming cone of silence and self-doubt with tapping fingers and furrowed brows.

Regardless of whether you agree more with the doomsday crowd or with the finger tapping skeptics, it’s easy to agree with one indisputable piece of evidence: something is happening to the financial foundation of our country – and it’s not good.

Trying financial times like these remind me of the classic lifeboat story (no, not the one with the pope and Raquel Welch). The basic premise, no matter how it’s told is that some type of global catastrophe has happened and a number of survivors of various vocations are trapped in the last remaining lifeboat. There are only enough resources remaining for a certain number of people to survive and of course there is one too many survivors. The group is forced to decide who to jettison. In all these stories, doctors seem to fare the best and they can’t dump the lawyer and tax collector overboard fast enough.

Assuming we continue on this turbulent economic course, I can’t help but see the national business marketplace as that lifeboat. The exception, of course, would be the lawyers. When people drown in the ocean they reach for life preservers. When businesses sink, they reach for lawyers (or now, the federal government). Although we can still safely evict the tax collector from the boat, especially in light of the new tax bills they will unfortunately be tasked with delivering door to door next year.

Following this logic, and based on my profession as a writer, I’m thinking I’d better either become Michael Phelps real fast or pull a MacGyver and learn to perform surgery with shoelaces and a pen knife. In economic end times like these, I seem to have found myself in a group perceived as even lower than tax collectors on the lifeboat survival priority list.

As a professional writer, I am disturbingly aware that my position in the corporate food chain is a precarious one. I hate to break any hearts, but here are some others whom I count as my compatriots in this dilemma: painters, dancers, sculptors, singers, actors, website and graphic designers, photographers, and all the other folks not directly related to keeping clients’ and consumers’ lights turned on, kids clothed and food on the table.

During Great Depression Part I in the1930’s, President Roosevelt’s Works Progress Administration created a slew of government programs devoted to putting artists to work, practicing their respective crafts. The result was a permanent reflection of life during that time (for example, John Steinbeck’s classic novel “The Grapes of Wrath”). This time around we have the free form accessibility of blogging along with endless hordes of artists who don’t feel the need to wait for money or permission to document their perspective for posterity.

That’s all well and good, but what about those of us whose careers depend upon a client company’s need for a creative product? What is the value of creativity in a failing economy?

Creative professionals craft the words, images, colors, sounds and moving images that companies use to connect with the public. How likely would you be to shop at a department store with an empty (or so dull that it might as well be empty) store window? Or if you passed the window day after day month after month and nothing changed – would you predict the store inside to be terribly interesting? You get the point, I’m sure.

As the economy continues to leak and more and more businesses find themselves in danger of going down with the ship, the creativity at the core of those companies may turn out to be their saving grace. Those who stand out from the crowd are apt to be more noticed now than ever. In a thriving economy, it’s easy for a company to get lost among the bright colors and flashing lights of entrepreneurial fever. Creativity in times like these is reserved for companies who dare to keep their image and message fresh, dynamic and the center of attention.

It takes a certain amount of guts to continue acknowledging the existence of the folks who keep the creative heartbeat of your company beating. Sometimes it takes a moment to remember that we’re not in the corner sketching fruit baskets and landscapes (no offense to those who do). Creative professionals are there to see your organization through a fresh set of eyes and make sure that your message is seen and heard by your target audience.

Without creativity, any economy, failing or otherwise, is at risk of becoming extinct under a cloak of invisibility.

As we all wait anxiously for the stock market to somehow sober up and fly right again, let’s not forget the “less essential” occupants of the lifeboats that we’re all piling into. We may seem to be the most expendable at first, but if you ever find yourself in a lifeboat with a writer or any other artist… when it’s time to toss someone overboard, do us a favor and at least give us a pity vote.